We have turned the page on another calendar year; 2014 is here. And, according to pollsters, gyms are full of newbies more in the first week than any other week of the year. Healthy cookbooks are opened more in the first month over every year than the rest of the months combined. The obvious benefit of the resolution is that some of them (8%) stick. The downside is that most of them (92%) do not stick.
From my perspective through the years I believe there are three inherent problems with resolutions the way they are typically understood. First, “resolutions” are less about real resolve and more about wishful thinking. It isn’t that people are really resolving to do something. In order to do that aligning life, thinking, accountabilities, budget, calendar and goals in reasonable and thoughtful ways must be included. They simply want to wave the “resolution wand” and make it happen. There are a lot of moving parts in a resolve and most people want just one moving or impacted part. Life change doesn’t compartmentalize like that.
Second, it is all or nothing thinking. I have seen this much through the years. If there is no build up to the goal, success is unlikely. For example, as a pastor, I had many people in churches I served who did not have a devotional or quiet time and new that their Bible reading and prayer time was missing from their lives. So, they would come into my office and say, “This year, I am going to get up every morning at 4:30am, read four chapters of the Bible and pray 30 minutes daily.” I would ask, “When was the last single time you did that and how many times this past year did you do that?” If the response was “not in the past three months and I have done it about 4 times all last year”, I would know that their resolution was destined to fail and saw it played out that way over and over again in my 30 years of ministry. I would, in those cases say, “Can I make another suggestion?” If they invited it, I would say something like, “read one pericope (complete, contained unit of Scripture which is usually a verse, paragraph or parable) three days a week and commit to pray 10 minutes at a set time three times a week. Do that for a month. If you have at least 75% success in that month, increase one day per week each of the next four months until you are at 7 days per week. If you have at least 75% success after those five months, add the number of verses and minutes of prayer.” I can’t tell you how many people (myself included) grew into a disciplined life from that posture. Set your goal with the end in sight. Don’t set the ultimate goal to be accomplished one day one.
Third, there is an inherent problem in going it alone. Most people act as though it is some kind of weakness to involve others in your resolutions plan or success. Yet, anyone who is part of the church should know that whether it is worship, learning, prayer, fellowship or exercise of gifts; the believing community was never meant to do ALL of it ALL the time as individuals without others. And yet, we put on the individualistic badge when it comes to losing weight, exercising or having devotions. We resolve that “I am going to do . . . .” There is a reason why AA works. And, frankly it is less about the Big Book and more about the community of support. There is a reason why even though we can all sing (whether beautifully or wretchedly), something special happens in corporate worship when a community of people raise voices together in praise. There is a reason why care groups work. Care and support actually helps.
Because of those recurrent problems, I believe life change does not come through resolutions. Instead, life change takes place when we taste real life change. I have seen a better way that has less to do with resolutions and more in singular behavior and attitude adjustments. Leave the resolutions on the shelf and exercise some singular behaviors to start the year off. Then you are not trying to changing your life, but starting life change itself. Try these 7 things that can be done in one setting each and see how it impacts your life and ultimate resolve in other areas that are important to you.
- Love someone with action and few or no words. Most people say something like, “I am going to become more loving” or “I am going to tell someone that I love them.” 1 John 3:18 says, “Dear Friends, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” He did not suggest add actions to words but leave words on the shelf. He essentially said, “stop talking and start showing love.” Talk is easier and cheaper than action. But, the cheapness bleeds through to the person you are telling. Acting out love for someone will be harder but more appreciated by them. Do something extraordinary for someone who really needs it out of love for God and people. Take a Saturday and clean a friend’s house. Take a homeless person to church and lunch and to the park next Sunday. [Watch out or a relationship might develop.] Take a single mom and her children on a vacation with your family. Spend two hours in the jail visiting the inmates or their families. Serve at a local soup kitchen.
- Forgive someone. That is something we are supposed to do anyway, all of the time. This command fills the New Testament from the words surrounding the Lord’s Prayer to Paul’s summary statements (Colossians 3 and Galatians 6). However, that is often excluded from our regular vocabulary and practice. I am sure you can find someone who has injured you or whom you have injured; or who caused you harm and injustice or whom you caused harm. Write them, call them or visit them and without qualification or condition say, “I have carried an unhealthy burden (or brought you harm) that is not your doing, but evidence of my own lack of forgiveness. Please forgive me. See what happens to them and in you.
- Read through a Book of the Bible in one setting. If you have never read Exodus or Luke or Esther or 2 Samuel or Revelation in one setting, you have not discovered a whole picture that can only be gained by the experience of sitting by the fire and reading not only a good book, but God’s Book. You can do that with any book of the Bible, long or short. You get God’s perspective and are able to find yourself in the story more easily than taking little bites. Could you imaging having conversations with your family and friends that never were completed in one setting but needed to be truncated into small bites. You would not have the same feeling as having a thorough conversation and gaining full resolve.
- Conduct a three-day fast. Of course go ahead and drink fluids. Don’t fast if you have medical conditions like diabetes, pregnancy, hypoglycemia or other complications. Be smart. But, most of us can do a prolonged fast of some kind. Our culture has sadly talked us out of this spiritually transformational experience. Don’t capitulate. Make a commitment to pray over matters of concern and seek God during the fast. I have learned that many people have never fasted a whole day, but periodic meals. This will change your perspective on many things. And you just might resolve some things with power and commitment. Always keep prayer at the center of your fasting times.
- Write three letters (one page minimum) of thanks. Be specific in your reasons for your gratitude for those three people. If they have prayed for you, given resources to you at a needed time, stood by you during times of struggle or have just been a trustworthy and loyal friend. Maybe they even gave birth to you. A pattern might even come out of this.
- Write a legacy letter. People often resolve to journal and that lasts a week or so. Don’t commit to daily journaling. But, chronicle in a longer letter your thoughts, goals, aspirations, regrets and loves. Write it as a letter to yourself or for a time capsule for others to read that gives them a window into your soul and a glimpse of your passions and values. Some folks resolve to journal daily and fail. Just do a long journal entry of sorts that can be read later by you or others. This may develop into some kind of journaling or autobiographical chronicling. But, just do one. Take a couple of hours and write.
- Memorize a chapter of the Bible. Pick one chapter that is meaningful to you upon which you can meditate occasionally when you drive or go for a walk without your MP3. I know people who say they can’t memorize. I hear that all of the time from people who prove themselves wrong. If you have dementia or mental limitations, you might be unable to do so. However, if you have faculties without those limitations, you can do it. I remember a person many years ago saying, “I can’t even memorize a verse of the Bible. I have tried many times.” I said, “Let’s do a chapter of the Bible together. You can do it if we do it together.” We memorized the first chapter of Philippians in two weeks. I thought we were done. He said, “Why stop now.” We finished the Book in three months meeting weekly. To this day, he contends that that exercise and the embedded Scripture changed his life.
This year, commit to acts and attitudes that lead to life change. Good resolve comes from that.