I was raised in a rather casual home in a small town where formalities, if any, were quickly or awkwardly dispensed. Fortunately I married someone who knew which of the four forks I should use for which dish, and when it was appropriate to take my first bite or leave the table. She also helped me know when it was appropriate and inappropriate to applaud, even how to silence sneezes and cough with dignity in public settings. Interestingly, I also learned that there are very specific rules of etiquette about when to sit and when to stand in our culture. I learned that in a business setting, I should never stand for a woman to be seated. It is an insult to do so as genders among coworkers are equal and should be appropriately treated as such. In a social setting, I should stand for a woman to be seated. Though equal, it is an act of deference or giving preferential honor. In a private setting, it is the preference of the two that should involved that should be observed.
At a formal concert, play or speech, standing should be reserved for the final curtain. At an informal event, standing matches the mood of the attendees who are to respond in respectful unison. At a hockey game or an athletic event of any kind, there are no rules other than to politely keep from obstructing the view of those behind. [At those kinds of events, I have learned that etiquette is the last thought on people’s minds. I could keep going, but you get the idea.
In a similar way, there are some rules to symbolic sitting and standing. I believe there are some general rules for our relational posture when it comes to addressing issues of serious concern with other people. When do we “stand down” or “sit back” and when do we “stand up” or “sit up”? Here are some simple thoughts on the matter.
When someone says something obviously in error in a public setting, but is innocent of making any grievous damage- sit back or stand down. Don’t embarrass them in public by serving as the correction police. You will only embarrass yourself and will exacerbate the error. When someone says something in error that damages those who are present, especially willfully, stand up or sit up. In other words take a stand for the purpose of truth and preserving human dignity.
Bishop Elmer Parsons (the bishop who ordained me in 1982) did both well. I remember being at a Christmas party at our church when a new convert came to play a game using a deck of cards that was often frowned upon in those days as a game that represented gambling and unwholesome activity. I saw the look of some folks who were looking askance at this young man as he walked in with his “treats” (a bag of licorice) he was contributing to the party in one hand and a deck of cards and poker chips in the other. Seeing the potential of harmful and needless judgment on this new disciple of Jesus, Bishop Parsons immediately made his way across the room and asked him, “What are you playing?” The young man responded, “I don’t know the other games, but I know poker. Do you want to play?” Bishop Parsons’ reply was, “I don’t know how. But, if you will teach me, I would love to learn.” And I still have lovingly that memory of watching our bishop playing poker long into the evening, wagering poker chips while chewing on a licorice whip in his three piece suit.
Now, I also remember that same bishop in a setting where sin was destroying a church. Things were getting out of control there. The church was being destroyed from the inside out. Though usually very gracious, I saw a very stern looking bishop in front of a church that had gotten out of control, seriously but eloquently addressing egregious sin as though it mattered while defending the church from error with precise debate and clear Biblical teaching. At that point, he demonstrated the ability to “stand up” and “sit up” when it mattered. He dealt with matters in a way that averted a disaster. That church is better for it to this day. Bishop Parsons knew when to sit and when to stand.
The truth and people matter to God. That is why speaking the truth is always a good thing. The tricky part is how to present that truth to the people that matter equally to God. That is why Paul counsels us to “speak the truth in love.” And, a heart filled with love will intuitively know when to sit down and when to stand up.