One does not need to look hard or long in the Scripture or history to see the damage done to those whose egos have been offended. Let me be clear. These people are not in ultimate danger. I am not speaking of people who have been physically injured, received life threat or have been tangibly injured by others. I speak of people who have simply been passed over or have lost face or perceived esteem in their community or in their own eyes. Joseph’s brothers, Moses’ siblings, Micaiah’s detractors, Haman, Saul after hearing David’s praise are among them, Herod. The apostles as they began their competitive conversation on comparative greatness would be included as well. The nameless folks who were leveraging the Corinthians against Paul would certainly qualify. The greatest example would be many of the teachers of the law in their gross offense at Jesus, simply by his posture in their presence and the perceived stolen popularity among the masses- nothing more than that.
One stark and dark example is found in 2 Samuel 17. Ahithophel, a historically reliable counselor to King David had joined forces with Absolam to take over the throne and become advisor after the coup d’ tat. Ahithophel had grown accustom to having his counsel heeded and applause commensurate with his supposed wisdom. One can only conjecture why Ahithophel chose to throw his influence behind David’s adversary- quest for more power, feeling under-appreciated, needing greater compensation for his services, need to retain power at all costs. We will never know. But, the outcome is exessive to say the least.
Read the chapter to see how the story unfolds. Suffice it to say, his advice was found to be inferior to that of another counselor. One might predict a bruised ego but some consolation for being the “go to” advisor 95% of the time. Or, one might predict a reinvigorated argument in his own defense. Or, one might imagine him contriving counter advice to win the day. Instead, we are only left with a suicide and no evidence of attempted change on his part to win anyone over. The wound seemed unbearable; the scars too deep for recovery.
The ego is a strange thing. In most cases, certainly in Ahithophel’s, nothing earth shattering happened to them. Nothing would tell us that they were facing impending death or defrocking. Nothing would indicate that their esteem would lessen. But, unabated ego will do more than bruise. It will destroy those caught in its relentless grip. More damage can evolve with only a harmed ego than with all other outcomes combined. Nations topple. People die. Families are destroyed. Unimaginable horrors often result from nothing more than the threat of shame, a move to second place, a public embarrassment, or a piqued ego.
The only antidote to keep the ego from inordinate destruction of its host is humility. There is no other solution. There is no other way. Humility begins a chain reaction resulting in freedom and health. The humble will submit. The submissive will acknowledge their role. The acknowledging will recognize error and confess. The confessing will be forgiven. The forgiven will be healed. The healed will be whole. And, thus the ego will be returned to its rightful and appropriate place.
It is hard to imagine how the wounded ego could result in sibling betrayal, infanticide, murder, suicide, national revolt and societal collapse. But, such are the outcomes. As great as the destruction, even greater the healing among the humble. Beyond bruises, egos kill. Beyond quiet submission, humility restores and heals.
The ego is increasingly celebrated in our culture for the strength of character often mistakenly equated with it. After all, the ego is simply a transliteration of the Greek word “I”. It is generally synonymous or at least euphemistically understood in common English usage for the place (or ascendancy) of the self. And, using that vague description, it is critical for all who hail by the title “Christian”, that preoccupation with the self- interest, will, desire, etc.- to the exclusion of or diminishing of others is damaging. There is no way around that.
The only answer is humility before God and others, divine correction, a sanctified world view and submission of all that we are to the powerful working of God in our lives. The result is moving from damage to freedom, death to life, incessant unrest to full satisfaction. The irony of this is that the great are truly diminished by swelled ego; while the humble are somehow susceptible to greatness (Matthew 23:12; James 4:6-10). My advice: Be great without trying.