There are places to which we gravitate in unsettling times. They are safe places and familiar. Sometimes they are one and the same. When a home is filled with loving, supportive and healthy people AND is a place to which we go with frequency for comfort and encouragement AND we are able to help and bless others; then home is a place appropriately deemed, “safe, familiar and helpful”. Things go array when we opt for places that are one of the three, but not all three. Let me explain.
If we seek places where no one can hurt us, where nothing injurious or painful is part of the landscape, then the upside is assured safety but the downside is the possibility of living a benign, unproductive, unhelpful life. Safe places are not what people always need. They include vaults and remote desert islands.
If we seek places simply because they are familiar, where “everyone knows our name”, then the upside is predictability but the downside is the potential of tolerating unhealthy environments. Many abused women find themselves in the downside. They return to the familiarity of accepted abuse. They are not safe. But, they will compromise safety for the known- the familiar.
Finally, if we try to find helpful places, where we can do things for others, the upside is productivity and good service but the downside is constantly seeing life as a project rather than a place of receiving and giving, of filling and emptying. If we are simply trying to be helpful, all of the time, we can find ourselves dragging others into environments that are unfamiliar and unsafe for them.
The places we should seek out should be wonderful combination places: safe, familiar AND helpful. I pray that our home would not serve as an insulating vault, or a place where I can act out familiar but unhealthy vices, or a place where I can help people but am unable to be filled up and find rest. Having said that, I have found that many places can fit the criteria of being safe, familiar and helpful. I have found our home to be a unique combination of these things. Still, home is not the only place that fits that description. I believe Jesus’ own example communicate that. He was a peripatetic teacher, but seemed to make each place safe, familiar and helpful. When he rolled into town, people felt that it was good to be around him. They felt as though he knew them in ways that no one else did. “He told me everything I ever did.” That was the remark of the woman at the well (John 4). But, in reality, Jesus told her some of the most hidden things about her. But, it felt very familiar. Nevertheless, though Jesus had found her out, she felt safe with him and consequently brought her friends to see him. But, in the long run, Jesus was incredibly helpful to her.
The same is true for Zachaeus, Peter, Mary of Magdala and all those who had been delivered from demons. Jesus was safe, familiar and helpful.
Interestingly, the hospital became one of those places when our son was failing in health and eventually left us for God’s more intimate presence. We found hallowed ground, restfulness, prayer closets, gentle and caring relationship and endless opportunities to serve. Don’t get me wrong. I would have loved nothing more than leaving that place with a healthy and whole son. But, as much as we wanted to leave, we had come to consider the hospital a place where people cared for us and Mitch found some solace in the medical efforts on his behalf.
The church should be safe, familiar and helpful. When it is, people feel as though they can open up, find meaningful relationship and become more than they thought possible. It is not simply a place of worship services, but a community of grace and presence. Christ is there. Prayer is answered. People are in love with one another. God is glorified. A hint of heaven is in the air.