Watching the collapse of attention is a painful thing. In the old days (for those of us over 50) the image was the father reading the evening paper oblivious to the screaming children or the needs of the overworked and under-appreciated wife. That image was the challenge to “put the paper down and connect with the world in here, rather than the world out there.” The image has changed, but the problem is just as great. Now it is instant chat, text (or cell use of any kind), or checking the scores/stocks/latest news on the handheld device.
I’m going to sound like a fuddy duddy to some. But, I have been traveling around the world and I have found that this new and increasingly unmonitored issue is a lacuna of etiquette consciousness. No one dares address whether or not any etiquette or rule of polite, acceptable behavior applies. I have, however, been observing the frustrated responses of people around the world who have seen others drift from paying attention to their presentation or conversation and I have found that there is an increasing sense that we are living in a world of collapsing attention. It is not a North American phenomenon from either point of view-either the lack of personal restraint on using tech devices or the frustration of those who are victimized by losing a conversation or feeling marginalized by the easily distracted.
In fact, let me give you some recent examples. I was in a very large Asian country where a cell phone rang and was answered in the meeting and the place was abuzz with people irritated that our limited time together being compromised and reduced by the inconsiderate action by one who was critical to the conversation at present. I was in another country where the leader insisted that cell phone batteries be removed from the phones as the nature of the problem was almost humorously musical. I just finished a conference where more than a half-dozen people asked if I could do anything about the distraction of people walking out to answer phones or rings going off and distracting a memorial service.
Here is the interesting thing to me. When I am in meetings that are filled with truly busy people- with monumentally important positions and sometimes hundreds if not thousands of people under their authority- this is almost never an issue. It strikes me as funny that recently I spent an entire day in a room with the President of World Vision, the President of the largest Free Methodist University in the world and a number of CEOs of large corporations that there were no such interruptions, no technologically induced distractions. I followed that with a meeting of people, many whose major line of authority included only their children and pets, a couple of retired folks and others who led very small organizations. That 2 hour meeting was interrupted and delayed due to four calls or texts that couldn’t wait.
The difference between the two was not determined by the level of importance of those in the meeting or the scope of their responsibilities or the sheer number of attempts that were made to contact them or the potential for emergency need. In fact, there was almost an inversely proportionate connection between the need and the activity. The difference was really in the understanding of those in the room. One group understood the need of their attention to the matters at hand and the importance of maintaining contact, respect and relationship with other busy people. The other group was oblivious to all of that. In fact, it is generally in the latter that people become most incredulous and put off when anyone would address this matter.
May I make a suggestion or three? First, make it a general rule when you are in a meeting that your commitment to maintain attention to those in the meeting will be preserved by turning off or unplugging. Second, if you think otherwise, take the effort to communicate with the others in the meeting and gain a measure of understanding. Third, set some rules for yourself that will demonstrate that you have a measure of restraint, discipline and control of your devices. If you don’t own them, they will own you. If you don’t control them, they will control you. Just some suggestions from someone who is watching an unaddressed and international collapse of attention.