Sometimes I ask people what they want to do in life, or what they want in life. One of the comments I hear often is, “I want to make a difference.” I think that I know what they mean. But, sometimes when I ask the qualifying question, “What kind of difference?” or, “In what way?” the details are absent or they get a little fuzzy. When I have opportunity to pursue their idea, I ask clarifying questions- help those who are less fortunate? help folks who are unable to help themselves? or pay forward what I have received from others? One of those usually rings a bell, or at least spurs some additional thoughts.
There are two obstacles often standing in the way of people realizing their desire to make a difference. The first is ill-defined but strongly emotionally based commitments. Simply put, making a difference will take a serious commitment. Making a difference on your way to fulfilling a career plan or achieving personal success is not generally a very effective “difference making” plan. Deep down in any emotionally based commitment is the personal satisfaction that the commitment will bring. Hence, we hear of people who are emotionally or physically drawn to another person. We know, deep down, that those kinds of commitments are not the most certain to last. There must be something very “other centered” than “self interest centered” to make that commitment last. If I want to make a difference in people’s lives because they need me to, then it is tantamount to getting a puppy because they need me and seem so helpless. However, when the dog is full grown and tearing up the yard, chewing shoes and barking incessantly through the night, the commitment wanes.
The second obstacle to making a difference is the difference that first needs to be made in the difference maker. We can only help others rise to the level to which we have risen. We can only lead people where we have gone. We can only inspire others from our example if our example is inspiring. We need to ask the question, “Am I the person that others can follow and pattern their lives after?” Sometimes when people say, “I want to make a difference in the lives of others” there thought is about a financial investment or a gift of momentary attention. However, when the finances are gone and the attention is withdrawn, is there anything of substance that remains for the person to be different or act truly differently? What have you or I been or done that would last beyond our time or money?
If you have thought that you want your life to count for something for other; that you truly want to make a difference, remember this. First, answer the questions, what kind of difference do I hope to make? Second, is my commitment to this based upon a conviction and a principle and love for others, or upon my own emotional need or guilt to help others? Third, am I the kind of person who could make a truly profound and deep difference in the lives of others? Is there something that I can leave with others that will inspire them to be difference makers themselves?