This morning is a very emotional morning for me. Like an unsuspecting flood victim, I was caught unaware by a torrent of emotion. Of course, I miss my son who is basking in the light presence of the Bright and Morning Star. I do not begrudge his new residence- not at all. On the contrary, I am a smidge envious and eagerly await my own graduation to the same place and experience.
I am just once again aware of how deeply embedded relationships and lives can become. It reminds me of a tree we have on our property. The little shoot of an unplanned tree sprouted long before we purchased the property. It started growing right beside a chain-link fence. It could have been pulled up or straightened up easily enough if the owner had wanted. But, undetected, it started growing through the fence. I’m not sure if a strong wind blew a little leaf still attached to the tree through the fence or if it just started its growth at a little angle. Nevertheless, its roots are on one side of the fence and the body of the tree started growing toward the other side of the fence. But now, years later, it enveloped the fence with a trunk more than 5 inches in diameter, somehow absorbing several links in the fence in its growth, bending the fence in the bent tree. The fence is now part of the tree. I am still studying how to remove the fence and save the tree or how to remove the tree and save the fence. I only know that once that separation occurs, neither the fence nor the tree will ever be the same.
Now for the unsuspecting conclusion: I wish everyone could have relationships that intertwined. I find it sad to see people who live either at such a distance or with independence and autonomy as their chief goal, rendering that kind of attachment impossible. For them synergism is impossible. Their relationship cannot experience synergism since there is no whole to be greater than the sum of its parts- only disconnected parts. I wish everyone had such an intertwined connection with others that they could not bear to see them suffer, hurt, live in isolation, go unheard and unconsoled without someone sharing their wounding. They could not celebrate without shared rejoicing, dream without an applauding and prodding friend to spur them on to dream fulfillment. Paul said, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” That is impossible to fabricate or do half-heartedly and carry any significance at all. Who wants a friendly pat on the back or a weak and fleeting cheer that quickly dissipates? Weeping is only meaningful when the pain causes the two people to simultaneously ache with a shared, common ache. Rejoicing is only truly meaningful when the celebration is shared with common, sustained thrill.
I guess that is why it still hurts so much. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. That connection causes tears to flow from time to time. But, it also causes my joy in his victory as if it were my own. The deep weeping only means that the rejoicing is equally as deep. I’ll gladly live with that.