I have had the opportunity to travel broadly throughout North America and even the world for many years. That puts in me in new church surroundings often. Most of the time, I am the guest speaker, but not always. In the Free Methodist Churc in certain regions, I am immediately identified by name and/or position by most people at the camp, church, conference or event. Yet, in some areas of the country and world (especially outside of the Free Methodist Church), I get to enjoy the delight of being the “visitor” for at least my first ten minutes before I become the “honored guest speaker.”
I must confess that those are a few of the most interesting minutes in my week. For me it is just plain fun to see how folks respond to a newcomer. You see, I’m already a church person- an insider. I have a church home. I’m not looking for one. I am not there, desperately looking for friends, God, meaning in life, a church home, a place that teaches the truth or a place where I’ll be accepted. I either have or am well on my way to having all of that. You see, for me, a church experience and church people are not foreign. There was a time when they were. I still remember that experience. I hope I never forget. It impacts what I do and say to folks when they come for the first time.
I’ll give the very unscientific impression I get when I go places to worship the living God with people among whom I am unfamiliar, but will spend an eternity. It is truly a mixed bag. Sometimes, a designated volunteer greeter with a name badge or identifying fake flower greets me, sometimes with a bulletin, newsletter or some information piece that may be critical to my experience. Sometimes they have no critical piece of paper. Sometimes they say something. Other times, they say nothing, just smile. In rare occasions, they have no paper nor do they smile. I am really uncomfortable at those times because I don’t know why they’re there and they don’t seem to know why I am there either. Sometimes the person at the door is less conspicuous, smiling and welcoming, seemingly not caring that I am new or old, just glad I’m there. I personally like the “I don’t care if you are new or old” response. Still other times, no one is around to do or say anything. In some of those cases, people are just hurrying, busily getting ready for whatever their part is for the morning. I like that especially if they look like they are excited about what they are busy with. In other cases, there are plenty of people locked into conversation with friends, not intentionally ignoring, but busy in relationship. In some of those cases, I sometimes feel like I walked into the county courthouse and simply need to figure out on my own where I get my building permit. In still other cases (the most uncomfortable to me), there are plenty of people around that are neither engaged in conversation or looking very busy with activity for the morning- they are just standing around. But, they still don’t take the time to notice someone new. In those cases, I’ve surmised that their commitment to ignore the new person is due to being either frighteningly introverted or uncaring and self-absorbed. I choose to assume the former, since I know many people who just have a hard time initiating conversation with anyone- even their spouse. But, since I am NOT introverted, I find great delight in greeting them and making them feel either welcomed as if THEY were the visitor or scared and wanting to run for their life, wondering “Who on earth is this guy?” [Marlene thinks it is a ornery trait I possess. She will say, “Don’t embarrass them or me.”]
Still other times, I have been swarmed by a frenzy of folks who spot the newcomer. At those times, it is like flies to honey. Don’t get me wrong. I like being considered sweet. But, honestly, I feel uncomfortable when I feel like I am a rock star at a high school rally or like this church has not seen a visitor in more than six years. Then, there are the times when lots of friendly people without any apparent “welcoming role” just bop along and say “hello,” asking if I need directions or treating me as if I’ve been there a thousand times- like I’m not a visitor but a friend they haven’t seen for awhile. This may be my favorite greeting of all. It is unscripted and unstaffed. Still, however, it seems to be part of the natural friendliness of the congregation. But, I understand how difficult it is to have all of the right people acting this way, standing by the front door at all times before service. [My all-time most shocking entry was to a handful of people engaged in conversation, stopping their conversation, staring at me in silence for several seconds and then saying, “Who are you and why are you here?” My all-time most funny greeting was visiting a place on vacation only to be greeted with, “You look like you’re new. You also look like you’re a preacher and ours is not here today. Are you? And if so, will you preach?”]
Do any of these experiences look familiar? My own preference includes people that are nice, whether I am officially greeted or not, in a very natural way. I like it when they are friendly to one another, not just me. I like it when they are friendly to me, not just one another. I like feeling as though I have been there before. I don’t like the visitor feel. I like authenticity, genuine expressions of love. I like to be able to see people (whether I am noticed or not) acting like they are in the most wonderful place in the world, doing what they most enjoy. I’ll catch-up whether or not there is an official greeter to give me a bulletin.
The reason I say all of this is because each church needs to take a hard look at what they do. I have encouraged pastors (practicing this myself when I pastored) to invite people to come to their church just so they can chronicle their experience and inform them, their staff and board what impression they give. The fact is, many newcomers are not people convinced that Christianity is right. Many of them are very uncomfortable going to new places. Some are desperately looking for friends. Some are truth seekers. Some are trying to get their kids in a healthy place to find friends. Some are new to the community and want to somehow connect with their neighbors. Some are Christians looking for a new home and sadly missing their old one, not sure if yours is the one.
Whatever the case, I would suggest a simple rule that everyone in every church should follow. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. In that way, the introverts will be appropriately greeted by introverts. The extroverts will find the right ones to smother. Just don’t be so absorbed that you forget what it was like when you went somewhere for the first time among a group of people you did not know. In fact, if you haven’t gone somewhere unfamiliar to you in awhile, ask the pastor for a break in the Sunday school class and go to the Lutheran, Baptist, Foursquare or Presbyterian Church in the next town next Sunday. [You just might still get into heaven if you miss a Free Methodist service for one Sunday even though your pastor will want to count you as being officially on a mission.] Ask yourself, what did I like? And, what did I not like? How did the behavior of the people there affect me? Would I want to return here? If so, why? If not, why? Let that inform you when you return home. Open your eyes to how you can better help new folks coming to your church when they walk in for the first time. Define it. Exercise it. Practice it. Act it out. Encourage others to do the same. You will have a church for everybody; not a “one size fits all” or “one style fits all” church. How you treat others in that most critical time is more important to their life and your church’s life than you will ever know.