Some of us live cautiously. I am not one of those. Sometimes I suppose I should be, or at least wonder if there is something wrong with me. Since the passing of our son, some people have confessed their captivating fear of “losing a loved one” or “losing a child” more specifically. I must confess, I have never gone there. I have searched my mind to see whether or not I have ever had fears about losing one of my kids or wife or grandchildren. To the best of my knowledge, I do not believe that I have even entertained the thought until the medical community said this was the likely outcome of his particular illness. I have never been in turmoil or fear over the possibility though I certainly know the certainty of our eventual death. Thinking about death? Sure! Ruminating in fear over it? No! Death is part of our life. However, worrying about it is not an inherent part of our life, or at least it should not be.
I don’t think that I am a worry or fear guy. It seems to be borrowing trouble without any good dividends. [Note: with the recent stock crash, the same is true. We just go for the ride and watch where it settles without losing sleep along the way.] I have been blessed to have the family that I have and I view every day as a gift to be enjoyed rather than an entitlement to be preserved. The biggest concern of mine has always been to keep moving and make sure that my moving is in the right direction. In other words, I don’t think of coming up lame or dropping dead in the race, I just want to make sure that I do not get off course. I’ll let God determine the finish line. That is his right and wisdom. Mine is to stay on course until that finish line is reached- not worrying about how far away it is. My biggest concern is not getting an injury on the way to the finish line, it would be to miss the turn markers and be completely off course; running wildly in the wrong direction, sitting down from being too tired to proceed. My concern would be having a healthy body, but under-utilized life.
I was reading in Acts 20 and 21 yesterday. I found it fascinating that Paul makes it clear to the Ephesian leaders in
Miletus
(20:25) that they will never see him again. The brothers in
Tyre
confirmed the likely trouble awaiting Paul in
Jerusalem
, urging him not to go (21:4). Agabus and others in Caesarea foretold Paul’s pain awaiting him in
Jerusalem
in demonstrable ways (21:12-14), again encouraging him to stop. But, for some reason, Paul was in a hurry to get to
Jerusalem
by Passover (20:16). We don’t know what the rush was. But, knowing Paul’s nature and character, he was responding to the Lord in some way that made it clear that he needed to be in
Jerusalem
at that particular Passover. He wasn’t worried about what happened along the way. He needed to stay on track and make the finish line (20:24).
The message that he gave along the way was filled with some potent instructions (20:26-35). These are teachings to live by and ones we have quoted. But, the Ephesian leaders didn’t catch most of it. Why? Their troubled hearts were heavy at the prospect of never seeing their friend again (20:37-38). And that is the rub. That is a tough place to be. It is unfortunate to be so caught up in anticipated grief that we forget to listen, learn, love and live. It is unfortunate to miss the moments together for fear that there may be no more moments.
I hope that anyone reading this is not caught up in fear of what might be lost along the journey. I desperately pray that we all are absolutely determined, completely bent to keep moving in the direction and to the finish line. God is the Lord of the race. We are to be willing and eager participants running without holding back.