Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." I am not sure about living in quiet desperation. But, I am convinced that many have a song that has not yet been sung. In that way, I have concluded that most men and women live unfulfilled lives whether desperation is part of the equation or not.
As I daily sit in the "family room" of a hospital, I listen in on many conversations. Most of the time, they are impossible to ignore since the room is less than 12′ by 12′ and generally filled with as many as 10 people talking with emotion over their current experiences with cancer. Often, I am requested to be part of the conversation. What I find most interesting is the subject matter of these conversations and how they develop. The conversations often circle around broken relationships that are hard to repair at times of deep crisis. Sometimes regret comes into the conversation. They are often awkward under the best of circumstances and now difficult at best. Then there are the conversations about "who will take care" of mom or dad or son or daughter. There are more conversations about money than I would have imagined. One such conversation found the family animated about the subject of inheritance and rightful heir. But, more often than not, the conversations are not very energized. There is just an awkwardness combination of trivial conversation, silence and flailing attempts at meaningful conversation.
In many of these circumstances, I want to jump in and help folks deal with important matters in a way where they can honor one another, expresses meaningful love and affection, help them to understand the source of hope to those who are bereft of it, and keep priorities clear and lives full of joy. Yet, I am aware that one cannot impose joy, fullness, peace and meaning into people’s lives. Method is not the starting place. Content of the heart and life is. One patient and her family were fixated on the "Why?" of their circumstance and could not understand how we could be free from that concern. I had a pretty good theological answer for the person and it was one that influences our disposition. But, I could not help them out of their pattern of frustration and regret and pain.
The bottom line is that full life cannot be produced or conjured up. It can only be received and lived. Some people try so hard when the trying does not get us where we need to be. I encourage people to stop trying to make life what they want it to be and let God form it in them. It is always a thrill to see people find full life, knowing that they can never make it. It is wonderful to have found it ourselves and do away with the awkward conversations and half-filled lives.